He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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