I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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