i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
