Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
