Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
