Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think your dad took our porno
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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