I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
