If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
