Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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