now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
