once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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