when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
