She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
