...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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