i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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