In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
tell me about the fingering
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