I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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