im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
