I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
