I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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