if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
