just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
