fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
