look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
