Porn is love you can see.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
