but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We left the knife in your bed.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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