yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
