Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
