I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Randomize
