Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
