seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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