that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
