So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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