Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
