i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
