my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
