you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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