I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
im having a threesome with these popsicles
smell my finger.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
