He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
