I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He keeps bees of course he's weird
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
