yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
