Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
