So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
