Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
