thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
