Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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