I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
