I think im going to throw up on grandma
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
