is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
