i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
