Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just want to make out with him forever
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
