I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
