I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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