dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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