just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize