I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize