I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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