im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
