I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just found puke in my bra..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
