I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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