You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize