Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
