I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize