It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
