well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
