im drinking this country out of the recession.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
